I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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