life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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