If i come over, it means nothing
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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