morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
In America we eat man semen.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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