I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
