u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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