I think i peed on brittanys purse
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
