ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
