the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
