your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
