Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
