it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
