dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
