ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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