So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
