My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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