Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
