I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
