Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
