So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
