perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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