I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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