Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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