I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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