Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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