So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
