So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
