You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
