Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
