I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
