You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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