She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
