I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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