I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
