if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
