he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
