This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
