I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Actions speak louder than pants.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
