I can text with my tongue
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize