It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
