It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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