Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
