Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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