My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
