So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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