I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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