"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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