Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
