my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize