If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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