Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
