I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
