I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
FUCK WHALES
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
