I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
