I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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