Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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