she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
