Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
