I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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