Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
