Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
