dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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