you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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