If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
