i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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