I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
