some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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