McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
