You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
