I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
