Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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