i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
