My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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