Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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