I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
