Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
