I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Barsexuality is the new black.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
