you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
